


Team Meeting

by Tinkerbell2319



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26722981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinkerbell2319/pseuds/Tinkerbell2319
Summary: Tony is getting annoyed with all of the PDA  around the tower.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Tony walked into the kitchen one morning to make some coffee and found Natasha sitting on the counter with Bruce standing between her knees. They were making out. He was so annoyed! He couldn't do anything in the tower anymore without worrying he was going to walk in on a moment that wasn't meant to be interrupted or something he couldn't unsee. To make matters worse, they were in front of the coffee maker! *  
Tony: Nat? Can you please move out of the way? *he is ignored* Natasha, please scoot over. *neither of them even acknowledge Tony* Romanoff! Get out of my way!  
Natasha: *annoyed, pulling away from Bruce* Can we help you?  
Tony: You are sitting in front of the coffee maker! Move!  
*Natasha let out an annoyed sigh and moved to the other end of the counter. When Tony was done making his coffee, he walked into the living room to see Wanda and Vision cuddling on the couch and arguing over who loved the other more. He decided to ask Steve for his opinion on what should be done. He walked down the stairs to the training room, where Bucky was pinned against the wall and removing Steve's shirt.*  
Tony: You have a bedroom for a reason, Rogers!  
*Steve and Bucky both turned bright red and Steve scrambled to put his shirt back on. *  
Steve: Tony! What a surprise! Why didn't you knock?  
Tony: I didn't think I had to! This space is available to the entire team at all times! You know what? I've had it! I'm calling everyone to a team meeting in the living room in ten minutes.  
*The entire team gathered in the living room and sat down.*  
Tony: I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you here today.  
Clint: Was it to ruin our chances of sleeping in on a Saturday?  
Tony: No. I called you here because I've had it up to here with all of the PDA! Everywhere I go people are making out or cuddling or arguing about who loves who more. I can't do anything around here!  
Vision: How can something be a public display of affection if we live here?  
Tony: We do live here, but this is also a workplace. Not to mention that there are a lot of us living here, so please keep that in mind. You guys need to tone it down or I'm going to have to ban relationships between team members.  
Bucky: What?  
Steve: That seems a bit extreme, don't you think?  
Natasha: Like you aren't all over Pepper whenever she walks through that door!  
Bruce: Yeah, I think you're overreacting just a bit. It's not like Nat and I are all over each other 24/7.  
Tony: She's sitting in your lap right now.  
Bruce: She likes to cuddle.  
Tony: You see? This is what I'm talking about. We're trying to have an important team meeting and you two are not at all paying attention. *he notices Steve and Bucky are making out and ignoring everything he's saying* And Steve and Bucky are also ignoring me. Hey! Cap! Focus. This has to stop.  
Sam: You think this is bad, try being in a bedroom between Steve's room and Bucky's.  
Tony: That's another issue. *looks at Wanda and Vision* I'm on the same floor as Vision and you two aren't exactly quiet.  
Thor: We can't even eat breakfast here! This morning, I wished to get myself the pop of tarts and Banner and Lady Natasha were blocking the cupboard.  
Wanda: I don't see what your problem is. It's not like we do anything too scandalous in front of you.  
Tony: You don't, but Steve and Bucky do. I've seen some things that made me want to pour bleach in my eyes. Not to mention the way Bruce and Natasha were acting this morning in the kitchen.  
Natasha:Oh, grow up. When I was your assistant, you did so much worse. Let's not even mention everything Pepper has told me about. Stop being a hypocrite.  
Tony: I just think that we should foster a professional environment around here. From now on, the rule is no PDA. That means any romantic gestures, kissing, cuddling, and anything else needs to stay in private bedrooms, bathrooms, closets, and other private locations unless we are having a movie night or something.  
Bruce: If this is going to be the rule, it has to apply to you as well.  
Wanda: Yeah. If Pepper comes over, we better not see any shenanigans.  
Steve: What do you say, Stark?  
Tony: Fine. That's fair.  
*The rule lasted about a week before everyone started ignoring it, but Tony didn't bother trying to enforce it.*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to enforce the rule against PDA, Tony has no choice but to ban dating within the team.

*A week after the PDA ban, Tony found himself in the same kinds of situations as always. The ban hadn't done anything. They followed it for about three days before everything went back to normal. Tony decided he had to be true to his word and ban dating until further notice. He called everyone to another meeting. *  
Tony: One week ago today, I walked in on a makeout session, a cuddle party, and what I can only assume would have escalated way beyond appropriate workplace behavior. In response to this, I banned PDA. Unfortunately, you guys can't follow the rules, so from this point forward, there is to be no dating between members of the Avengers.   
Natasha: What? That's completely unfair!  
Vision: We aren't doing anything wrong!  
Steve: Tony, you are overreacting. We aren't that bad!  
Wanda: Why are you acting like an angry principal? This isn't school! We're not children!   
Bruce: We aren't hurting anyone! In fact, my relationship with Natasha is preventing people from getting hurt.   
Bucky: You have no way of enforcing this.   
Tony: Yes I do. I'm making an official rule that all team members must stay at least five feet apart at all times. Every single one of us, including me, will wear these bracelets at all times. They are waterproof and they bolt on so you can't get them off. They'll beep loudly if you get too close to another team member without permission.   
*Tony bolted the bracelets to every team member, even the ones who weren't in relationships within the team. Everyone scowled at Tony. Later that day, Natasha told everyone but Tony to meet her in the training room, five feet apart. Once they got there, she revealed her secret plan.*  
Natasha: Since I know none of us are happy with this new arrangement, I have called you here because I have a plan. I need you all to understand that in order to do this, we need everyone on board. And that includes Sam, Thor, and Clint. What do you guys say? Do you want to hear the plan?  
Wanda: Definitely. This is getting ridiculous.   
Clint: Count me in. Stark is overreacting.  
Sam: Yeah, this is a bit excessive.   
Natasha: Bruce? Steve? Bucky? Vision? What do you think? *all four nod*  
Natasha: Okay, so here's what we're going to do. Have you guys ever heard of malicious compliance?  
*The next day, Tony walked into the kitchen to find everyone standing five feet apart. Perfect. The rule was working. *  
Clint: Oh no! I need to cut up these strawberries for my cereal, but I left the knife on the counter! Nat, can you bring me the knife?  
Natasha: We can't get near each other. Here, I'll just toss it to you.   
*Natasha threw the knife toward Clint. It soared right over Tony's head and Clint caught it by the handle. *  
Clint: Thanks!  
Tony: What the hell are you guys doing?! You could've hit somebody! That was incredibly dangerous!   
Natasha: Sorry, we had no choice. Five feet apart. That is the rule, after all.   
Tony: This isn't cute. It isn't funny. Somebody could have died!   
Bruce: I think it was cute.   
Tony: Can it.   
Sam: You know, she wasn't breaking any rules.   
Tony: We shouldn't need a rule against throwing knives at each other! It's common sense! Clint, next time just walk across the room. Pepper is coming over later and I don't want her to accidentally get stabbed.   
*Tony brought his breakfast into the living room, where Thor and Jane were making out on the couch.*  
Tony: Thor, five feet apart, remember?  
Thor: Ah, but Stark, Lady Jane is not a member of the team, so I thought I'd invite her over today.  
Tony: The issue is the PDA, not the team members involved!   
Thor: But it is my understanding that this isn't forbidden by your rule.  
Tony: Fine, but don't do this again.   
*Later that day, Pepper came to visit. Tony went to hug her and Vision, Wanda, and Sam blasted him with super soakers. *  
Tony: Hey! What was that for?   
Wanda: Five feet apart, Stark.   
Vision: That's the rule.   
Tony: If Jane doesn't count, neither does Pepper.   
Sam: We're just following your rule, Tony.   
*Tony grumbled and stepped back. He talked to Pepper from five feet away until Steve and Bucky came in separately and stood at opposite ends of the room. Steve pulled out a ring box and got down on one knee. *   
Tony: Remember the rules, Rogers!  
Steve: You said no dating. You never said we couldn't get married.   
Tony: That's it! You guys win! I give up. You guys can date each other and be as affectionate as you want. Just no more knife throwing, super soakers, and across-the-room proposals.   
*everyone cheers*


End file.
